Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus — Book Summary

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Book Cover

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex

by John Gray

Published: 2003 | 368 pages
Rating Amazon:  stars rating 4.6 
Rating by reviewer:  stars rating 4.4 
Author of the article: Mary Aromolaran
Date of the summary: Aug 20, 2020

John Grays’s book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a guide to understanding and improving male-female relationships.

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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Book Cover

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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray is a national bestseller, published in 1992. This book will guide you through certain principles that would help you to improve your relationship and take it to a better level than which it is. The Author, John Gray clearly distinguishes men and women and explains behavior peculiar to each gender. Then he goes ahead to steer the reader towards proper understanding and improvement of the relationship.

Interesting quotes from the book

Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished.

— John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.

— John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Because she is afraid of not being supported, she unknowingly pushes away the support she needs.

— John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Summary of the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

The author starts with an extensive explanation of its purpose in explaining and clarifying the differences between men and women. He makes use of analogies to describe how such differences affect relationships and what differences there may be. Men and Women do not always understand the differences between them and have issues navigating these differences. Love is great, but will only last with a proper understanding of each sex's differences.

One of the most common complaints between men and women is that the men don't listen and the woman is preoccupied with changing him. The author continues with his Martian/Venusian analogy and uses them to begin to explain how these problems can be solved. Men react to unsolicited advice as they feel their competence is being questioned and they refuse to talk about their problems except when they desire expert advice. Women react to unsolicited advice while they are talking as they need someone to listen at that moment.

This leads to issues between both as they're both trying to be helpful in the way they would like to be helped, not the way the partner would prefer to be helped. Women are more relationship-oriented than men and unlike men, they see it as a strength to offer help while men see it as a weakness to need help. Both parties need to understand how to handle the rejection of help and practice how to do so consciously.

Stress is common to both genders and they each have different ways of handling this phenomenon called stress. Men tend to withdraw inwards to their "caves", they immerse themselves in one hobby or the order and get extremely quiet.

On the other hand, women tend to feel overwhelmed and relieve stress by talking about all their problems until they're fine.

Communication is immensely important in a relationship, as this is the way issues that are bound to come up in a relationship are avoided or dealt with.

A major theme in the book is learning how your partner is different from you and learning to attend to his/her needs the way he/she would want their needs attended to.

Key lessons from the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus?

Lesson 1: Men and Women Are Inherently Different.

The major thing we can learn and the major theme of the book is these two genders are very different and this doesn't have to cause many issues if both parties understand these differences.

Lesson 2: Men and Women Deal with Stress Differently

Men and women are very different and stress affects them differently. Men withdraw but women want to talk it out. Men get unavailable and focused while women get overwhelmed by stressful issues. As a result, men feel better while solving problems, but women feel better talking them out. Understanding your partner's needs and tending to them as best as you can, make them appreciate you more.

Lesson 3: Men and Women Communicate differently

Men and women have different ways of communicating, they communicate with verbal and non-verbal cues differently. Identifying your partner's cues is important. Men tend to get more silent, but women tend to get verbose. It is important to interpret his silence, and it is important to listen. It is also immensely important to understand each other.

Lesson 4: Men are Motivated when they feel needed, Women are Motivated whenthey feel cherished

Men become passive and lose energy when they don't feel needed in their relationship. While women become compulsively responsible and get tired from giving out too much. The more needed men feel, the more empowered, and strengthened they are. Women are emotionally fulfilled to the same degree that they feel cherished by their partner. Both become content in the relationship, as their individual needs are attended to.

Lesson 5: The Feeling of Love Isn't Enough to Sustain A relationship

Men and women need to understand each other, as while the feeling of mutualattraction may bring two people together. Understanding individual differences and how to navigate them sustains quality relationships. Understanding how and when to give to each other is the lifeblood of a relationship.

Lesson 6: A Successful Relationship is based on Compromise.

Both partners must learn the art of coming to the middle. Men prefer hard facts and going straight to the point, so as a female partner, you could work to deliberately go straight to the point when discussing an issue. This, however, doesn't exempt men from actually taking time to actively listen to their partner.

In situations where the male partner needs certain correction, the female partner should find some subtle, tactic way to do so, to not make him feel like a child. Men also need to stop being so fast to offer solicited, rather wait for her to speak and express her emotions.

Review of the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray is simple, engaging, and still practical. The author John Gray expresses his point in a practical and very interesting way. The author's use of analogies is always great for his overall point. John Gray's use of imagery simplifies his points and makes for an interesting read by clearly distinguishing men and women. He highlights certain behaviors common with both sexes to paint a bolder picture for the reader. As a result, men and women can understand each other better and deal with each other better, resulting in a healthy relationship. Whilst society has evolved and certain things in the book may seem outdated as a result of gender stereotypes, the core issues the author addresses in the book are still very relevant.


John Gray takes his time to guide the reader through errors that men and women often make in their relationships, no matter the duration of the relationships.

The author highlights common wrong behavior that may even be unconscious and takes the readers through deliberate actions they may take to prevent such mistakes and improve their relationship. He uses several analogies to drive home his points. From the man caves to the rubber bands, this book is full of relatable examples to help you improve your relationships. This book is for anyone that desires to improve their relationships, for people who want to understand even further, how to satisfy their partner.

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